Fortunes

In class we all drew fortunes out of a cup. Mine was: "You can't go down the right path without first discovering the path to go down."
Usually when I get Chinese food and a fortune cookie mine never make any sense. This one though I can actually make sense of. How can you be sure that the first path is always the right path. You never know if there's another path to take. For a few years I found it easier just to take sides with my dad, my mom was just angry with him for trying to take me away. I thought that was the right thing, to go behind my mom's back and listen to everything my dad said. But now I realize that that was not the path I should have taken. Now I realize that everything my dad said was just what I wanted to hear and not necessarily the truth. It's sad that I took the wrong path and spent the last few years with a bad relationship with my mom and now that we're finally close it's almost time to move out and go to college.

My Junior Year

Junior year has been one of the greatest years ever. There are so many great memories and inside jokes. Some you wont get unless you were there

• Switching gears
• Experementing with new food
• Handcuffs
• Seduction
• "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" - Ashley Holland
• FIORELLA! CRASH! - Mr. Jones
• We heart Bates
• Creepers at McDonnalds
• "I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house!" -Ashley... before the music starts
• the dulcimer and umbrella band
• Hamsters + Umbrella+ bike = bad idea
• "Where's his shoes?" - Rachel
• "It's Shelbey's hair, It's Shelbey's hair, It's Shelbey's hair AH EWW GET IT OFF!!" - Aaron
• "My mountains!" - Aaron
• Girrafe neck feet
• Desk flipping
• They're both ugly, weird, and nasty they're perfect for each other!
• Getting Kicked in the butt on the bus
• 'YOU BELONG WITH ME-EE-EEEE"- the whole bus
• "How do you say it?" "Oierla" "Oh-eeerr-lala"- Spanish Project
• "I met Tea Cake at the Pentagon!!!" Mrs. McDaniel
• Oatmeal in study hall
• Donut Thursday
• No sub in spanish
• "He's so cuuuuute, why didn't he wear those shirts when we were talking!" Ashley
• Rabbit toys and shorts- Jackson's Class
• "Did they dance like Princesses and Princes?" "Something like that" - Bates
• We're getting attacked by Indians!

I hope next year is just as funny!

APUSH

So we have to do these video projects in US History. Marley, Me, and probably a couple of other people from the other class are reenacting the Oregon Trail. We're going to either be pulled in a wagon hold a sheet for the cover, or just sitting in chairs. We're filming in Marley's woods. We get attacked by Indians!!! I'm pumped! It's gonna be fun.

Senior

I'm almost a senior! Only eleven more days I'm so excited! Senior year is going to be tough though. I had a conflict in my schedule and I got to see what my classes will be next year.
Blue Day: AP Government, IB Biology II, Peer Tutoring, Honors Economics.
White Day: Anatomy, English, Chorus, Calculus
I'm hoping I get Mrs. McDaniel again next year because she teaches my house. The only easy classes I have though are chorus and Peer Tutoring the others are a lot of work. I guess I'll be better off in college than the people who made their senior year a cake year because they stopped caring.

When It Hits

In 19 days it will be three years to the day I lost my best friend. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. It might sound a little pathetic but I still sometimes wake up and want to call him and tell him about things. I especially miss him when somethings upsetting me. Saturday Aaron got mad at me and I was up all night crying, litterally I cried for over 12 hours straight. Anywho it upset me even more because Travis wasn't there. We were each others "person." You know the person you run to when everything is going wrong, or right. We told each other everything. We helped each other with everything. I don't think you ever get over losing your "person." I wonder when it's going to seem real, I hope not soon, because when it hits, it'll hit really hard.

Random Conversations

I love when you have like a really random deep conversation with a friend. Me and my friend Ashley do that alot. We'll be talking about something random then it goes a lot deeper. I guess it's because we're so much alike and have the same things going on. People have asked us if we're sisters, we really don't look alike but we act alot alike. We say alot of the same things, sometimes at the same time. It's a little freaky. But ever since sixth grade when we've met we've been really close friends. We had one of those random conversations today in spanish. It's really weird but comforting knowing that there's always someone to talk to.

Saturday

Saturday's going to be interesting. It's prom night but it's going to storm all day! I hate it when it rains on important days it's horrible. Then before prom we're taking pictures at my dads house. His mom's going to be there and she hates me! Don't ask me why she just does. With all the family drama, is his family and mine, it's going to be awkward. Then we have to stop at my grandma's for pictures and then we go the River Park for pictures. Then we're going to eat, I don't know where yet, but somewhere, then we're going to Prom at 9:00.

BTW: I love that hair! hahaha

KOM training!

Today we had KOM training. It was so much fun! I',m on council and I got to choose the mentors that were on my team. I had to pick people I didn't know so I was a little worried. But five minutes into the program I realized I had nothing to worry about. We all get along really well. I'm really glad I made the choices I did. Next school year is going to be fun because I have a great team that will actually participate and not just stand and around and do nothing. We're all really upbeat and creative and we're going to make Kick Off day a lot of fun. We're incorporating out own ideas, like skits, to show school rules, activities and things like that. I like last years dance better than this years, but it's still fun. I can't wait until Kick Off Day!

Books

So I'm running out of stuff to blog about so I'm going to blog about all my favorite books I've read over the years.

At School:

• Bridge To Terabithia
• Rules of The Road
• The Watsons Go To Birmingham
• Flowers For Algernon
• Tangerine
• Double Dutch
• Joey Pigza Loses Control
• Of Mice and Men
• Night

On My Own:

• Harry Potter [all]
• Perfect Chemistry
• All of Sarah Dessen's books
• Pretty Little Liars series
• Meg Cabot books
• Boys Lie
• I know It's Over
• Jumping Off Swings
• Going Too Far
• The Giver
• All Margaret Peterson Haddix books
• Indigo

As a little kid:

• Green Eggs and Ham
• Where The Wild Things Are
• One Teddy Bear Is Enough

Family Drama

I'm soo sick of family drama. My dad honestly doesn't know anything that's going on with me. I really don't think he even knows how old I am. He lets my stepmom rule over everything. She doesn't listen to a word anyone says. If it doesn't revolve around her then it's not important. If she has to give me a ride somewhere all she does is complain about how hard it is on her and all this and how it interferes with what she has to do. All she does is sit on her butt all day on her stupid computer. She's PRN that means she works when they call her, IF and only if she wants to. And it's not just my family either. Aaron's family has issues to. His step dad is horrible. He blames Aaron for everything that goes on. I've been on the phone while Kevin is yelling at him. It makes me really sad. Like last night his mom and Kevin started in on him and he was so depressed, I felt horrible. I hope things get better soon. At least we still have each other to talk to when stuff gets bad.

Prom

Prom is this weekend, and I'm pretty excited. It's been super stressful because my dress was late getting delivered and when it did finally come in it turns out it's the wrong color. It's not like way off or anything it was supposed to be midnight blue (navy pretty much) and it's dark teal. It was enough of a difference though that Aaron had to change the color of his vest and tie and his mom had to get different flowers. Now that all of that's out of the way and settled I'm getting my tan, I went yesterday for the first round of spray tan. It turned out good cause I'm not orange! I go Wednesday for an eyebrow waxing, Thursday is round two of the spray tan, Friday I'm getting my nails done. Then on Staurday my mom's friend Trish is doing my hair at around 3-4. Then my mom is taking me to my dad's and Aaron's mom is bringing him over and we're taking pictures, which should be interesting seeing as she hates me. Then my moms taking us there. I'm not sure who we're eating with before prom, but we'll figure it out.

"Who You'd Be Today"

There's a country song by Kenny Chesney that I can't listen to without bawling my eyes out. It's called "Who You'd Be Today" it reminds me of Travis and it gives me chills whenever I hear it.
listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ne3cz9eUsQ&feature=related

lyrics:
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?

Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.

[Instrumental Break]

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.

Some day, some day, some day.



RIP Travis I miss you

Dad

So my dad and I used to be really close. I used to talk to him all the time about everything. At the same time my mom and I really didn't get along at all. We argued over everything. Now though it's like complete opposite. The past three weeks he's barely even looked at me. He called last night and said that it was because he was "tired and working all the time" I'm like whatever. That's just an excuse. Even when he is off work he's either sleeping or drinking. It really sucks because we used to be really close and now he hardly knows me.

Pet Peeves

Here are some of the things people say/do that get on my nerves.

• They walk unnecessarily slow in front of you in the hallways
• The go through the door that's already open. even when everyone going out it is heading in the opposite direction.
• When people complain about EVERYTHING
• When people look orange and try to play it off as a real tan.
• When you're arguing with someone and they just say, "It's whatever" I HATE that sooo much.
• When people kid about stuff they know is going to upset you then laugh because they can't believe you got upset.
• When people say your lying when your not.
• People that talk nice to their "friends" faces but as soon as they leave they're talking bad about them.
• People that think they are better than everyone else.
• People who imterrupt other people and start talking about themselves.

Warmth

It seems like the only thing I blog about these days is Aaron. That’s because generally he’s the only thing on my mind. I know that sounds really cheesy and cliche but it’s true. However, this past week he’s not the only thing that’s been in my thoughts. The drama with my dad and stepmom has been too, but seeing as he helps me feel better when they make me mad and stir stuff up he once again is the main subject of my thoughts. Friday we spent a glorious 8 hours together. My friend Cindy said it was like we were glued together. We wouldn’t let go of each others hand for anything unless we had to. He showed his true colors in front of my friends finally. He was the super-silly funny guy that I know and love. We were sitting on a bench overlooking the river, as we always do it seems, watching the sunset. He released my hand and put that arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him feeling his warmth on my cool bare arms. He used his other hand and wrapped his fingers around mine. I shivered a little. He asked if I was cold and I told him yes. He released my hand once more and wrapped that arm around the front of me enclosing me and sending warm tingles up my arms. I leaned my head against his shoulder and he rested his head against mine. When my brother abd my friends weren’t looking he pecked me on the cheek. My brother looked over and yelled that we were too close and my friend goes, “That’s not too close that’s adorable. He asked me if I was still cold and I told him yes. Okay so maybe I wasn’t AS cold as I was leading on but ya know whatever works right(:. He tightened his hold and brought me ever closer. He kissed my cheek again and warmth spread throughout my body. He whispered that he loved me. It was probably the cutest thing in the world seriously. I loved every minute of it.

Forgiveness

This past summer my best friend Amber and I got in a huge argument. It was about 9 PM and my cousin decided to call my other best friend Alex, whom Amber hates. He called him calling him obscene names and saying offensive things. Well when I called him back to apologize he didn't believe that I tried to stop them. I really did, my brother, Amber's brother, and Amber held me down on the ground and put their hands over their mouth till I bit them. Well like I said he didn't believe me he told me he never wanted to speak to me again and hung up. I called him back and begged for him to listen to me and the Amber grabbed the phone from me and called him a name that I didn't appreciate calling him. Then we started screaming at each other. Literally we were screaming, neighbors were out on their front porch watching us standing in the street and the front lawn screaming. She told me I was stupid to let him get to me and all this saying that it wasn't fair because I always called him instead of her when I needed to talk. Then her brother and I were walking around the block while I vented. He told me not to worry cause Alex would call after he came to his senses. I came back home cooled down and Amber and I talked it out and we were fine. Then Alex called back later on after I was in a really good mood; I'd finally talked to Timothy after about three weeks of zero communication. Everyone was alright with everyone but it so over dramatic and a little prank almost made me lose my two best friends.

Different

The other day I was looking through my old pictures off my flash drive. I found pictures of me form freshman year and I compared it to a picture I took Saturday. I look so much different it almost looks like two different people. I don't just look different I act different too. I used to be really quiet and shy and not very outgoing at all, now it's the exact opposite. I used to have a negative outlook on life in a way I just wasn't very happy. Once again now it's opposite. It's bizarre how much people change in two years.

You know how when you're with someone and they tell you they love you and you tell them you love them too and that you want to be with them forever no matter what and all that stuff? Usually you just think this is true because you really want to believe it. Usually you say this but you still have doubts about staying with this person forever or you have doubts that they'll stay with you. Well when you know with out any shadow of a doubt it's true, it'll just hit you. Trust me. Up until yesterday I was in the frist scenario in the back of my mind sometimes I would think, what if Aaron changes his mind. But yesterday I felt such a deep connection with him and it hit me; I want to be with him forever.

Aar-bear =]

Aar-Bear is what my friend told me I should start calling Aaron; I was like uhh no. I don't do the whole pet name thing. The more I thought about it though the more it fit. He is like a teddy bear, he's warm and nice to cuddle with. Plus his favorite animal is a Panda Bear. So in my mind I still call him Aar-bear. Anyway the other day while I was waiting for him to call me I was listening to music and looking at quotes on photobucket. I started to notice how many of the songs and quotes reminded me of him. It seems like every song I listen to makes me think of him, and I've begun to only listen to stuff that makes me think of him. I made an entire mix CD and I wrote Aar-Bear on it as the title. The songs on it are:

1. Hanging By A Moment: Lifehouse
2. Always Be My Baby: David Cook
3. Echo: Trapt
4. Everything: Lifehouse
5. Collide: Howie Day
6. Lost In You: Three Days Grace
7. Contagious: Trapt
8: Smile: Uncle Cracker
9: Halo: Beyonce
10. Right Here: Staind
11. Yellow: Coldplay
12. Don't Matter: Akon
13. Ocean Avenue: Yellowcard

It seems like everything reminds me of him. Everytime I see the river I think of him because the second time we'd ever hung out and actually got to spend time alone we stood and looked out at the water and then again this past Saturday we did again. When it smells like rain outside (the smell right before the rain not the wet dog smell) I'm reminded of him because when we were outside at his house that's how it smelled and felt. Of course Valentines Day reminds me of him, because that's when he asked me out. Now the word "egg" reminds me of him. Yesterday when he called me in the morning before he left for school he goes, "Why is it a bunny that delivers eggs?" This is at 6:00 AM so I wasn't fully functioning at this point I was like "Huh?" He laughed and told me he didn't understand why the Easter bunny delivered eggs he said it should be the Easter chicken. We laughed so hard we were almost crying for about 10 minutes. That's the thing about him he says the silliest most random things and it makes me laugh no matter what. I always tell him that he's my reason to smile even on my worst days, because it's true he is. No matter how bad of a day I'm having just knowing I have him makes me smile through it all.

College Fair

The college fair today was like a huge wake up call. A year from now I'll be in the last 9 weeks of my senior year, then it's college. Only one problem, I have no idea where I'm going to school. I have a few ideas but the college fair showed me that there are a lot of options out there that I never would have considered. I want to go for pediatric nursing. There are tons of schools with nursing programs but I really want to go to a school with a notable program to help me get a job. There was one college I was considering that wasn't at the fair I think I'm going to see coach Tomes about getting more information from the school.

Personal Characterization

Glossy almost amber walls enclose her small room. A single mahogany door locks out unwelcome visitors. On two adjacent walls there are two windows covered in violet celestial beads. Her mirror is lined with purple beaded and sequined lace. When she peers into the mirror and eyes of blue stare back, she is sad. If they are grey, she is sick. On most days though they are a greenish-blue with yellow flecks this is when she is happiest. Whatever the color her brunette bangs always partially cover the left eye. Her phone always sits on the desk placed directly in front of the mirror. Whenever it rings her mouth opens in a broad smile, she knows it is the one who makes her happiest calling. She watches herself sometimes while she talks to him. She can see the joy and happiness he brings. Her eyes will always brighten even more and her smile would broaden even greater. Her ski-slope nose crinkles when he giggles at his silly jokes. When he compliments her, her cheeks turn rosy. She turns to lay on her spacious violet clad bed. She takes a look around. The slightly dusty baseboard and trim is mahogany to match the door. It is an organized mess. Areas are cluttered and unkempt but she always knows exactly where to find things. It’s just like her personality. She can be scatter brained in times of stress. In those times she’ll often forget what she’s saying midway through a sentence. Her bed reflects her in so many ways. It’s cluttered but soft. She has a lot going on all the time and have a lot on her mind but she’s always kind and thoughtful. The walls are lined with what makes her world go round, posters of music and memories with friends. Her inner child is revealed by looking inside her eggplant desk drawers. Inside there are coloring books and crayons, markers and glue, construction paper and the likes. Stuffed animals line her mahogany shelves, memorabilia from her childhood. A booming bass can be heard almost always from her speakers, her way of shutting out the world.

ell-ohh-vee-eee

I had an amazing time with Aaron today. I went over to his house at noon and stayed until 6:30. Six straight hours all alone with him, well his family was there but they were in and out all day. We spent all day cuddling on the couch watching movies it was amazing. He's the first boyfriend that wants to take it slow and I love it. It's more romantic this way. He finally kissed me...on the cheek, but it was cute and I loved it. I was soo nervous about meeting his family but I really liked them, I was pretty quiet and shy though because I wanted them to like me. I hope they did. Anyway I had a great time. I love him ♥

I'm Pumped

It's warm outside again! This makes me so unbelievably happy. I love warm weather. I'm hanging out with Aaron Saturday and that makes me excited. Then Monday I get my braces off! The ACT is over and my stress level has gone down soo much. I'm in such a good mood now, Aaron can tell he's like you sound really really happy now. I'm like that's cause everything's going right now. I love life

I can't figure out why my best friend won't break up with her boyfriend. It's so obvious he's cheating on her but she still keeps him. He makes her cry all the time and she still keeps him. Okay get this he has a tux to match a purple dress because his "friend" Tonya's dress is purple so he told Amber she had to get a purple dress. He's on probation for breaking into a church, he's an 18 year old high school drop out who doesn't have a job nor does he want want, he doesn't even have his permit. Amber pays for everything. He always puts her down. Aaron, my boyfriend, who is nice to everyone and gets along with everyone can't stand him. Doesn't that point that somethings wrong.

ACT stress

I'm like freaking out about the ACT. My mom said that I have to get at least a 26. I mean I think I can do really well but I really want a 26-28. Aaron tells me not to worry and that I'll do fine. Everytime he says it I say but what if I don't get a 28 and he said "I'll still love you." It makes me feel at ease, but only while I'm talking to him. Sitting here in class the little voice inside my head has gone into overdrive saying, "28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28" I can't wait to get this over with. I'll feel so much better after tomorrow.

I got it bad

Wow. I never thought it was possible to be this crazy about one person. When I'm with Aaron nothing else matters. I'm happy as a clam. Saturday we spent all day together and he held my hand the entire time. I love him so much. I can be myself around him and not worry about what he thinks. We've only been together for a few weeks but I love him. I think about him constantly. I mean that, there's not one second that I'm not thinking about him. I miss him all day at school. If I could lay in bed and talk to him all day I would. When I think about him I get those butterflies and I love it. He treats me like I'm made of glass. He keeps me calm when I'm angry. He's respectful of my family. He's so amazing. I'm very blessed and I thank God every day that he's in my life.

The Dead Poets Society

I love that movie. It was really good. Their teacher was really cool and went against the school rules and boundaries. Then the kids that carried on the little club and how it helped each one of them change. One guy found the courage to pursue the girl of his dreams. The other conquered his low self esteem. Neil's passion was acting. His father was against it. He went into a play behind his fathers back. Then his father pulled him out of his school and told him he was going to military school and then to med school. This is what pushed him over the edge and caused him to comit suicide. The school blamed it on the new teacher and his unorthodox teaching methods. The end was really cool. I loved when the teacher came to get his personal belongings and Todd stands on the desk and says "Captain o Captain" the poem they first read in his class. Then other students followed suit. It was really cool.

Aaron

Last night i went bowling with my boyfriend Aaron his cousin Drew,my best friend Amber her boyfriend John [ugh], her brother Patrick, my brother Logan, and this girl that no one really likes but she came anyway named Tonya. I had a lot of fun until John started getting obnoxious. My dad and step-mom were there though and it made Aaron even more nervous. But anyways my brother tells everyone "I can't believe she's dating him" and people ask why and he says "Cause of how he looks." I'm not one of those people that are all hung up on looks. Plus Aaron is really cute, to me. I know his personality and that makes him sooo much cuter to me. I think the littlest things he says are so cute and he always makes me happy, even when he calls me and wakes me up. I think we're really cute together, but that's just my opinion(: by the way that's an awful picture of me but its the only one of us I have. Oh and he's not that much taller than me he was up a step haha.

Favorites

Here are a few of my favorite things

1. color- purple
2. food- applesauce
3. book- Perfect Chemistry
4. band- Hollywood Undead
5. soda- Diet Mountain Dew
6. basketball team- UK
7. store- Aeropostale
8. person to talk to- Aaron
9. number- 13
10. sports- basketball and UFC
11. make-up- mascara
12. car- Camaro
13. flower- daisy
14. word- bubbly
15. UFC fighter- Georges "Rush" St-Pierre
16. type of cuisine- Italian
17. season- autumn
18. brand of shampoo- Dove
19. gum- 5
20. bath and body works fragrance- pearberry
21. other fragrance- Ralph Lauren Rocks
22. resteraunt- Olive Garden
23. movie- Miracle Run
24. musical- Greece
25. club at school- CEC
26. article of clothing- my Aeropostale jacket with the plaid hood
27. TV show- Grey's anatomy
28. electronic device- cell phone
29. smiley- =D
30. animal- penguin

Celebrity Crushes

Here are a few of my celebrity crushes.


Oliver James he was in Raise Your Voice

Channing Tatum from Step Up, Dear John and GI Joe

Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl

If you really knew me...

If you really knew me you'd know these 20 things:

1. I am terrified of spiders, clowns, and large birds.

2. I have no patience for people that walk slow in front of me.

3. I'm rarely serious.

4. I'm protective of people I care about

5. My best friend died when I was 13.

6. My mom and I do not get along, at all.

7. I'm really outgoing

8. I'm really loud

9. When I get mad it's a little scary.

10. I use the "f " word more than I should

11. I love singing, and I do so loudly and randomly

12. I'm the queen of procrastination.

13. I love applesauce.

14. I always whipe my pizza off before I eat it.

15. I hate feet.

16. I'm one of the most sarcastic people you'll ever meet.

17. I love thunderstorms, but I hate the wind.

18. My socks never match, but they'r never plain white either.

19. I listen to my ipod way to loud.

20. I spend hours on the phone with my boyfriend talking about nothing.

Drama.

This past Saturday my boyfriend Aaron and I went to the movies. My parents made my brother Logan tag along and Aaron's cousin Drew came along as well. We had a good time, Logan and Drew sat a few seats away from us so it wasn't awkward or anything. Well yesterday Drew decided to stir up more drama than he already had. He told Aaron that he liked me. Not just liked me but liked me. Get what I mean? And Aaron and I have made plans to hang out this Saturday. Drew invited himself. He told Aaron he was going. He didn't ask he told him. This happened when I'd gotten off the phone to eat dinner. When I called Aaron back he sounded upset. He told me what Drew said. Then he said, I think he's trying to steal you away from me. He sounded so sad and it broke my heart. I was so mad at Drew. We sat in silence for a few seconds. I wanted to say something but it was sooooo cliche, but I decided to say it. I told him "that will never happen, cause I love you, not him." He perked up after that. He told me he wasn't worried anymore and that Drew wasn't coming, he said "he thinks he is, buuut he's not." Anyway, his cousin has caused so much drama this past two weeks it's crazy. First he told Aaron I was using him and I didn't really care about him and all this. Then he told me the same lies about Aaron. He was trying to break us up. Now he's trying this crap. I'm sick of it, I'll put up with him, because I love Aaron but he needs to stay on my good side or he'll be sorry. Aaron chooses me over him all the time, he's not going to win this.

Who's to say what's normal?

Normality differs from person to person. What I believe is normal, someone else may not. No one can classify exactly what normal is, because no one really knows what it is. I don't believe that there is one "normal" person out there. We all have our differences, our own quirks. To us these things are "normal", but to someone else they are abnormal. We see someone acting a certain way and say that it's not normal. How can we say that? When we are not normal ourself. No one is normal, therefore no one can say what is and isn't normal.

Girl Language

Heres a little list of tips for guys on understanding girls

boy: "you want me to let you go"
girl: "you don't have to"
what girl really means: "No but I don't wanna force you to talk to me even though I really want to talk to you"



boy: "Are you okay"
girl: "Mhm I'm fine"
what girl really means: "I'm not fine, I'm just testing you to see if you care enough to try and figure out what's wrong."
this is where the guy should say, "Are you sure?" NOT "Oh ok"





** If a girl is being very short and giving a guy one to two word answers, they've most likely upset her in some way and should, tactfully, try and figure out what it was they did wrong. Admitting their wrong is a good first step. Not getting too defensive is as well.**

**Another little hint, we prefer to be called pretty or beautiful, instead of hot**

**Just because we don't call you doesn't mean we don't want to talk; we want you to call first**

**You will never know when but we do play head games with you**

**If you're out in public with your girl it is NEVER under any circumstances acceptable to check out another girl. Even if you think we don't notice we do, and it hurts**

**We love it when you hold our hand, come up behind us unexpectedly and put your arms around us**

**We love random cute IM's, texts, or emails. They make our day**

Blind Optimism or Stupidity?....Stupidity

So I've come to realize that, I'm wasting my time waiting on a guy that most likely was just using me. We've been talking for nearly a month and he still hasn't asked me out. Half the time he acts like we're just buddy's anyway. This other guy came along though and he helped me through the issues I was having with C. He's been really sweet to me and he makes me laugh. I'm starting to really like him. I've given C chance after chance after chance. I'm all about waiting for someone, but I have my limits and he's just not worth the trouble he's causing me.

Trust

I don't trust many people, quickly. Usually it takes me a while to get a read on them and figure out if I want to open up to them. If I get even the slightest feeling that the minute my back is turned they're going to tell other people I trusted them with, I won't tell them anything that I want to keep private. And then there's the people that I really really really want to believe. I want to think they're not lying to me just to get want they want, but I still get the gut feeling that says, "Shelbey they're lying don't believe them." There are very few people that I've trusted right from the start. Alex, Amber, Yvonne, Marley, Katie, and Ashley. That's all, out of all of my friends and all the people I've met in my life they were the only ones I could tell right off I could trust. Just recently though, I found another person. Chris. And it's not just because I really like him that I feel like I can trust him. It was the other day when we were in Mrs. Dilback's room. We were sitting on the desks and I leaned to far in mine and it tipped. He reached out and grabbed me and prevented me from falling on my butt. He made sure I was okay and laughing before he started laughing and picked up the desk. I was embarrassed but when he told me not to worry about it, everything was fine. At that point, for some reason I felt 100% sure I could trust this guy. It's nice having that feeling.

Temptation

We face temptation everyday. This week has been full of temptation, for me. Some I've given into and others I haven't. Even though I know that some of the things probably aren't good, I still think that the benefits of it far outweigh the negatives. I'm not going to go into detail or anything, because it's too complicated. It's nothing illegal or anything like that, but it's my private life and my own decisions. I was not able to overcome the temptation to talk to Chris instead of doing my pre-calc homework. Now, if I don't finish it in the next hour, I'll be referred out of the class, which would not be a good thing, at all. But anyways, temptation is all around us, sometimes we're strong enough to not give in but most cases we give in.

Cute quote

Friday I was reminded of this cute but kind of cheesy quote. "They say Disney World is the happiest place on earth; Obviously they've never been in your arms." Chris and I hugged not once but twice Friday! I was in heaven [= It felt so good to be held close. I would've stayed there forever just breathing in the scent of his cologne, whatever it was it smelt really good. Anyway, it reminded me of that quote because I was so happy and giddy the rest of the day, heck I'm still happy and giddy and it's Sunday. I can't wait until the next white day!

The Littlest Things

Isn't it funny how when you really like someone the littlest things they do make you smile. Like yesterday Ashley, Jeff, and I were walking down to the band room doors, so that Jeff could go and get his laptop out of his car before school started. Well Chris was down there waiting for his door to get unlocked. He took his headphones and out and smiled and said hi. I gave him a huge smile back and said heyy, but then followed Ashley into the bathroom. Yesterday at lunch though he came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, I was sitting down, He said "And how are you today, miss?" I said "Good," He started to give me a gentle shoulder massage and I just leaned back against him. I swear I was in heaven for two minutes. It was no big deal really but I was smiling all day.

Looking For My Missing Piece

We listened to Shel Silverstein's "Missing Piece." It got me thinking about all the "pieces" I thought were my missing pieces, but it turns out they weren't. Everyone looks for their missing piece. I have my eye on a certain "piece" now, but I'm not sure if he wants to be my missing piece or wants me to be his missing piece. At times it seems like it, but others not so much. He's confusing. I hate it when I can't get a read on people like that. He acts uncomfortable around my friends and other people, but around me he's fine. I think he's worried about my friends changing my mind, maybe he feels judged. Even if they judged him, it wouldn't matter, I think he may be my missing piece and I hope he doesn't say, "I don't want to be anyones missing piece and if I did I doubt I would be yours"

Judgemental People

So yesterday at lunch I was sitting with my friends and we were talking and laughing about something. Then Chris, the guy I've been talking to, comes up behind me and acted like he wanted to say something to me. The way Marley phrased it was "he looked like a little lost puppy." Anyway then he sat down beside me (yay!) but he sat on the edge of the chair with his back to me, all shy like. Well anyway my Derek points to Chris and mouths "he's weird." Oh my gosh I was so mad. I gave him and dirty look and just about that time Chris hits my leg and I look over and said hey and smiled. But then the bell rang and I had to go to class. I'm still mad at Derek. So I walked up to him in the hallway this morning as I was passing him and smacked his arm and said "your mean!" then he asked why and I told him about him insulting Chris. He goes. "I'm just speaking the truth, he doesnt talk to anybody, he's weird" I told him that he didn't even know him. He said "I know that he doesnt talk, to anyone, he's weird." I was like he doesnt know that many people he transferred from Owensboro, and he talks to me. He said "well still no body likes him". Ooh, he sooo shouldn't have said that. I was like well I do. Then he's like I'm sorry for saying he's weird but it's true. I was like okay whatever. That makes me so mad he's never talked to him, he doesn't know him, how can he say he's weird. I've talked to him alot, trust me he's not weird. He's just shy. I'm really mad, still, at Derek.

My "FAIL" List

I'm going to start posting FAIL lists. I'm going to list everything I've done in the past year that could be classified as a FAIL.

• Crashing the car into a tree in the driveway; 2 hours after I got my permit = EPIC FAIL this one was bad
• Finding out the guy I liked, liked me back, sending him and email telling him that I like him, then finding out he already moved on and had a girlfriend.
• Knocking a bottle of Gatorade off the shelf at Walmart causing it to bust, then running away
• Standing in a chair and having it flip backwards with me causing me to do the splits [luckily no one saw]
• Running into a glass door think it was open
• Slipping and falling in front of a bunch of people at Target.
• The cute guy at the gas station flirting with me, I had a sore throat so I couldn't talk back and he thought I was ignoring him
• Shooting a basket and the ball bounces off the back board and hit my face giving me a black eye
• Standing on a 20 year old picnick table with three friends and the thing collapses
• Telling my friend that I'm going to talk to this guy I like before first block and then they bring all my friends in the room to watch. Especially the one who sat in the corner and stared the entire 25 minutes. = AWKWARD The guy being aware of what's going on = FAIL
• Going to every fine arts classroom in the building looking for someone and then as the bell is ringing seeing that his ride just got here.
• Sitting with my friends at lunch and one of them pointing to the guy I like and mouthing the words "he's weird" and I'm thinking the guy saw my friend. = BAD FRIEND FAIL
• I went to the gym, and i got on the fancy sit-up machince and flipped off backwards.

Since When Do We Go To Hogwarts??

Okay so Apollo has come up with another great idea, as if lockers weren't bad enough. I can't believe were going to be put in houses! It's crazy, it's like we're in Harry Potter. I completely dissagree with them. For one, what if someone was all over the board and they couldn't pinpoint once certain area of interest, how would they choose one house? I'd be in white house, but I like some things from blue as well, I can still sign up for a class but I'm not going to get along with the other people, because we have different interests or else I'd be in blue house with the rest of them, it contradicts itself. They're always telling us branch out don't just do what your friends are doing. How are we supposed to branch out when they're confining us to houses? Then theres the people that are going to sign up for a certain house just because people they know did. It's pointless. They say it's to encourage people to do better after school. Okay so in the real world if you have different interests and opinions than people at your job you don't have to work together right? No. It's not teaching us anything about the real world. I think the school wants a better reputation and more money. If someone doesn't want to go to college a house isn't going to help. If they want to slack and barely get by and go out and party their life away they're going to do that, with or without the houses. These houses are designed for underachievers so those of us who actually care about school and try and want to succeed in life anyway are having to suffer. It's not fair. I hate, hate, hate, this stupid house idea.

Fading Hero

My cousin Richie, has been my hero since I was 12 years old. He had a drug addiction, and he trumped it, or so we thought. He's replapsed twice since then. Once for about 6 months and he stopped again. Now though, it's worse than ever. No matter what the next high just isn't high enough. He's doing harder drugs and more lethal drugs. We're afraid that if he doesn't stop he'll be dead soon. We've tried reasoning with him, We've tried threatening, he's been in jail and that still didn't help. Now we've turned it over to God. We're praying that he'll get admitted to a facility and that he'll make it through this alive, and with a hard lesson learned.

Awkard Moment At The Movies

So this past Saturday night my brother, dad, stepmom and I went to the IMAX theater in Evansville to see Avatar. It was a really good movie! Well anyway, before it started people were climbing over limbs to get popcorn and sodas. I didn't see this guy about my age maybe a couple of years older coming. My brother moved his legs at the wrong time and he kinda of tripped the guy. When he did he fell in my lap. Literally, they guy sat in my lap. I was trying so hard not to laugh and so was he. Then he stood and proceeded to walk down the stairs. All would've been fine except he tripped, again, and spilled soda everywhere. He turned red picked the cup up and walked away with his head ducked down. When he came back I sat sideways as to let him by and he dropped his 3D glasses at my feet. Instead of waiting for me to pick them up we both bent down and bumped heads. The poor guy finally made it back to his seat and he didn't move at all until the movie was over.

Stream of Consciousness

We all say that we control our own lives, and that no matter what anyone else thinks we do what we want when we want. Why is it then when our parents tell us no, we listen instead or persisting. If we really control ourselves and don't go with society then why do we always wish to be more like someone else or follow trends. If we really controlled ourselves we wouldn't worry about what others thought about us or the way we did things. If we really controlled ourselves we wouldn't change to fit societies idea of the perfect person.
Also then if we always worry about fitting in, we dont really know ourselves very well at all. If we really knew ourselves and the person we really were we wouldn't question every move we made and we wouldn't make sure our decision would be accepted by others. We would make choices for us and wouldn't stop and worry about what everyone else would think. We wouldn't question ourselves. We wouldn't have to stop to think, is that really what i want.
Since we doubt ourself and others so much it is hard to be sure of anything. Someone could promise something will happen, but if they begin to doubt themselves you'll begin to doubt them and then nothing is done. If you say I'm going to stop doing this, or I'm going to start doing this, if you doubt yourself you're never going to be sure that you will. People rarely follow through with what they say. It's highly unlikely that we can be sure of anything. The way everyone bends and twists the truth to make them come out in a better light than anyone else you can't be sure of anything. You never know if they're lying or if they're actaully telling the truth.

I hate being confused.

I hate being confused, then again who doesnt. As much as I hate it you'd think I'd start avoiding situations that lead me to be confused, but there I go again getting myself into another sticky situation. You'll never guess, what it involves; yeah another guy issue. They are seriously the most confusing people on the planet. They play mind games and they make me crazy. They lie and make you believe them then make you forgive them when you catch them. I've known one guy, well two guys, that haven't been like that. Alex and Travis. Well, Alex is the guy that I'm confused over, for the first time ever he's confused me. I thought he was over and I thought I was over him. If this was the case why was it that I smiled like an idiot for the 2 hours we talked Friday night? If that was the case why was it he said he missed talking to me alot? If that was the case why did he bring up still liking me and why did I say I might still like him too? For once this guys got me feeling like I don't know what to do, and for some odd reason I'm okay with that, because it's Alex and I know no matter what, it'll be okay.

Frozen in Fear

"See y'all later!" Adam calls as we walk out the door and climb into his car. We back out of the paved driveway. The radio clock's blue letter glowed 11:30 thirty minutes until curfew. We were going back to my cousins house. We're driving down the crooked back roads of Breckenridge County hand in hand talking about the party we'd just left. We roll up to a stop sign and make a left turn onto the main road. We come to the four way stop ahead.The dark snakelike road was deserted.When out light turns green he accelorates, we make it around the first curve.Up ahead theres a car speeding and swerving from lane to lane, he wasnt leaving ours. The driver was coming right at us. I grip Adam's hand tightly, hold my breath, and squeeze my eyes shut as he makes his decision. Adam's hand is cutting the circulation off to mine as he slams on the breaks and swerves onto the shoulder. The car zooms past just seconds after our car stops completely.
"You alright?" he asked breathlessly, he too had held his breath. I nodded soundlessly, still frozen in fear. He rested his head against the head rest and ran his shaking hands through his dark hair.
"C'mon lets get home," he said starting putting the car in drive and slowly pulling out the road. His hand found mine once more and he gave it a comforting squeeze.