R.I.P Travis Andrew Whittaker-- September 30, 1991- May 29, 2007

Travis Andrew Whittaker was my best friend growing up. His life was cut short when he was 16 by a drunk driver. Today would be his 18th birthday. His favorite holiday was Halloween so I asked his mom to send me a picture from Halloween. That was him when he was 5. I didn't know that 10 short years later would be his last Halloween.

May 29, 2007-- The Worst Day of My Life

Travis and I were walking around my grandparents’ subdivision in Hancock County. We were talking about a party that was two days away. There was a breeze blowing off the river.
“We’ve got to go to that party, everyone’s saying it’s supposed to be the best party of the summer,” he told me. I could tell by the look in his grey eyes that he really wanted to go to this one.
“Alright, alright we’ll go,” I said laughing.
Later that night my aunt told me she needed a sitter for the 29th, the day of the party.
“Can’t you get someone else me and Travis have plans?” I’d begged
“I’m sorry, but you’re the only person that can do it on short notice. You and Travis can hang out Friday.”
“Fine,” I’d finally said.
I called Travis and told him I couldn’t go. At first he said he wouldn’t go but I said I didn’t mind him going without me. He told me he’d stop by afterwards to tell me how it was. We didn’t go to parties often because of the drinking and stuff that went on there, we felt a little awkward because we were some of the few that weren’t doing that. Well 1:00 AM rolled around and no Travis. At 1:30 his mother called me and said she was on her way to pick me up and not to ask questions. I got in the car with her and to my surprise we crossed the Tell City bridge and went to Perry County hospital. Immediately my heart dropped into my stomach. While we waited his mother explained that while he was on his way home a drunk driver slammed into his car. Then everyone was quiet. The only thing I heard was a buzzing. There was a sickly clean smell in the air. When the doctor came out I thought they were going to let me go see him and he’d be fine. Then he shook his head sadly and told us they couldn’t save him. I got extremely dizzy and the air felt thick and hard to breathe. There was a massive lump in my throat and I hit my knees. I didn’t stop crying for four days. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Every year on his birthday and the Sunday nearest the 29th his friends and family all get together at our church and have a memorial. Every time I hear his name I feel a pang in my heart. Every time I hear someone talking about how wasted they got over the weekend and how they drove home anyway, my blood boils.

Orange Juice

Last year my friends Ashley, Kelsey and I were walking in the circles at school. Kelsey was a little ahead of us and said, "What's that?" about that time I slipped and fell down in orange juice. The twenty something people that were standing around turned and stared at me. I jumped up and I was laughing so hard I was crying. Now everytime anyone mentions orange juice Ashley and I still laugh.

Childhood Memories

I remember when I was little my friend Travis and I would always set up relay races in the back yard. We'd have to climb the apple tree and army crawl behind the blackberry bushes. We took turns setting up the course using fallen tree limbs to leap over, plastic lawn furniture to weave in and out of, and there was always a tunnel made of sheets or a tarp stretched across the clothes line. I'm still as competitive now as I was back then if not more. Looking back now it makes me laugh. Travis always thought he'd win because I was a girl, but I proved him wrong time and time again. It's funny how what used to bring me joy, now brings me sadness. When people asked me at Travis's funeral what my greatest memory of Travis was I said relay races when we were little.

*In loving memory of Travis Andrew Whittaker 9/30/91 - 5/29/07*

Extreme Makeover Home Edition

My weekend was spent at the building site for Extreme Makeover Home Edition . It was mindblowing how many pepole were there. At first I was blown away at how many caring people were there. Soon, though I figured out how selfish everyone was there. Some were there for their fifteen minutes of fame, or to get Ty's photo and autograph. Few spent eleven hours on our feet craning our necks, dehydrating, and getting sunburnt so badly you were getting chills in the 80 degree weather, to just be a part of the Mattingly family's dream. Even my closest friend openly admitted that she was there only for Ty. I was there because I wanted to see the looks on the faces of the family when they realized they went from living in an old rundown trailer to having this amazing, gorgeouse, huge house. When the house was finally revealed to the family it was so intense it brought tears to nearly everyone's eyes. The celebrities that were there were just an added bonus to being able to see the joy that was brought to the family.

Roller Coaster

Life is like a roller coaster. The ups and downs, and twists and turns keep us constantly second guessing ourselves and others around us. Sometimes you end up feeling lost and confused and your no longer sure of anything. You begin to hide things from people, and you lose sense of reality. That's in a way how I came up with this poem, when my life was especially tumultuous.

“Twist of Fate”

Secrets in the form of poison
Stain those lips of yours
Whispers of your lies
Don’t stop despite the implores

Reality seems to fade
You enter the dreamlike state
Darkness begins to beckon
In a bizarre twist of fate

Caught in your tangled web
Honesty you can no longer fake
Desperate to be free
Though promises you continue to break

Your whole world comes undone
Remorse turns to hate
Engulfed by a sea of shame
In a bizarre twist of fate

Finding Home

The other day I was thinking about the mistakes I'd made this summer and how easy it is for people to lose the ability to trust others. I noticed how hard it was to get their trust back and get back on the right path, but no matter what you can get there; sometimes it just takes a while. These thoughts inspired me to right this poem called "Home."

"Home"

Feeling lost inside
Regret you can no longer deny
All the lies you tried to hide
Remorse and truth you cannot defy

Gliding through life
As though it were a dream
Oblivious to struggles and strife
Nothing is what it seems

Lost in a place
Reality taking control
Seeking a familiar face
Take the dive and go

Finding truth
Your one last hope
Reaching salvation
You’re finally home

This Game

“This Game”

Hiding behind fear
Fighting in shame
Soon it will all disappear
You’ll lose this game

Pride is a curse
One which we all bear
Ignorance is worse
True though unfair

A need for a name
Our souls are a stranger
We are losing this game
Unaware of apparent danger

Arrogance and sin
Virtue and Bliss
Back up and start again
One last shot don’t miss

Evil has a leer
Demons within no longer tame
All have begun to disappear
We have lost this game