Exactly the same and Completely different

Saturday after I finished working at the school rummage sale I thought I was going to my grandma's. My dad, however, just passed up her road in Lewisport and kept driving out towards Hawesville.
"Dad," I said, "Mamaw's road was back there."
"I know," he said, "your going to Travis's. Meredith wants to talk to you"
My heart skipped a few beats; I hadn't been there since the funeral. We pulled into his super long uphill driveway and my dad let me out of the truck. I tentatively walked up the stairs and tapped on the door. I remembered that just 2 years ago I didn't even have to knock I could just enter. Things were different now, or so I thought. Meredith answered the door and smiled.
"Shelbey, you ought to know by now you don't have to knock here," she said.
"I know, I just thought, I don't know," I'd said awkwardly following her in the house. It hadn't changed a bit in the 2 years. Pictures of Travis and his older brother Chase still lined the walls. The sofa was the same, the pale green paint was the same. It even smelled the same. She called me to her house just to talk. She wanted to talk about the accident and just Travis overall. She had us both crying after about 45 minutes and a few photo albums. Then she topped it off by showing me Travis's room. She hadn't touched it. The bed was still unmade, there were still piles of clothes everywhere. Stacks of Cd's were piled on the furniture. I knew the blink-182 CD was out of it's case and in the stereo. PS2 games were strewn across the floor and the controllers were tangled and laying in front of the TV. It still smelled like him too, Axe with a hint of mint because he always had gum. Then I saw the pictures on his table; they were of me and him one from each year from the time I was 3 and he was 5 until a week before the accident. It felt like someone had punched me in the chest. It was like finding out he'd died all over again. It was all too much. Everything was the same and every thing was completely and totally different all at once. The emotions were so overwhelming. I was sad, angry, and had the odd desire to laugh all at once. I think that being there in his room without him just made it really hit me that he was gone. It was a horribly wonderful experience. It wasn't fun by any means; but it was what I needed. I knew I was the only one Meredith had let into his room, even though she didn't tell me. I was the only one who had a special bond with her youngest son, and the memories of that would be what kept Travis's spirit alive; that is why she didn't change his room. That is why everything was exactly the same and completely different all at once.